She's been on my mind all week.
A bright, beautiful spark of a woman. At 21, she has big dreams and hopes for her future.
Everything is mapped out in Ella's mind. The places she wants travel, how she'd like to decorate her own flat when she moves out of home. All the possibilities of life are so exciting to her.
"Pink peony's in a vintage crystal vase. They can sit on that cute little blue table I found on ebay. Sweeet."
The clothes she can buy when she's rocking that dream job.
"Clothes, shoes and bags. I won't go crazy and spend every penny I make. But I just want to express myself and not feel so self-conscious all the time."
Oh and to fall in LOVE. Ella want's the real deal.
"I'm going to travel the world and see and feel every emotion I possibly can. The One is out there. We just haven't meant yet!"
Ella really wants to make a difference in the world. She knows she has a purpose. To live the best life she possibly can and not feel so terrified to express herself and share her talents. This is something that scares her so much. It keeps her stuck.
"I'm just so scared what others will think of me. Truth is, deep down I fucking hate myself. I suppose that's why I make myself sick".
Ella has struggled with bulimia and is always trying to lose weight. She was bullied at school for how she looked.
Tall, slim, with a flame of amber hair. She was out-standing, and she knew it.
But she cut it off and dyed it any colour but red. She denied herself nourishment, all in an attempt to blend in and to disappear.
On Sunday the 12th of April she succeeded.
Eloise Parry took 8 tablets containing the lethal drug 2, 4 - Dinitrophenol. She bought these slimming tablets online. £70 for 100. A few hours later she was gone.
She was doing a BA in Family and Childhood studies and her university said she was "always championing the promotion of positive well-being for children and young people".
Our wounds are what we are desperately trying to understand in this lifetime. It's our suffering that serves as the catalyst for our greatest work in the world.
Ella understood that.
So many others, just like you, are suffocating from the fear of self-expression. It's killing them. But if I could have told you anything it would be this....
You are loved beyond measure.
Your beauty is in your 'you-ness'. Take off all the masks. You are glorious.
Be fearless and walk unashamedly in the magnificence of that which you are.
You are always supported. The universe is whispering guidance to you all the time. Just listen to your heart. That's where you hear it.
Don't try to blend in. Be out-standing.
Share your light with the world.
With so much love and admiration,
- DNP is sold as a weight loss aid, but has been described as 'extremely dangerous to human health' by doctors.
- It is sold mostly over the internet under a number of different names but contains 2, 4-Dinitrophenol.
- It is marketed mainly to bodybuilders as a weight loss aid as it is thought to dramatically boost metabolism.
- The manufactured drug is yellow and odourless and was previously used as a herbicide and fungicide. It was launched as a slimming aid in the U.S. in the 1930s but then banned in 1938, due to the severe side-effects.
- Depending on the amount consumed, signs of acute poisoning could include nausea, vomiting, restlessness, flushed skin, sweating, dizziness, headaches, rapid respiration and irregular heart-beat, possibly leading to coma and death.
Today, why not reach out to someone who may need to talk, or even just a hug. You never know how excruciating self-loathing is, and the isolation it brings until you have been there yourself.
We all know an Ella, she is everywhere. Just because she's just grown up, it doesn't mean she's stopped having these thoughts and feelings.
If you found this helpful, please share it with all your friends or leave a comment. It might be just what someone you know needs to read today.
Let's support each other, and as we raise up, extend a hand to help other women do the same.
With so much love,